When Mum Hurts: Understanding the Mental Load of Motherhood

Motherhood is beautiful, but it’s not always easy. In Kenya, we celebrate mothers as the backbone of the family. From waking up early to make breakfast, ensuring uniforms are clean, nursing fevers at night, to running businesses or going to work, mothers do it all. But behind the warm smile and strong spirit, when one can manage it, many mothers are silently hurting and close to giving up. 

For many mums, the daily emotional load can be overwhelming. The worries pile up: 

Will I make enough today to feed the children?

Is my baby okay at school?

What will people say if they find out I’m not coping?

I feel tired, but I can’t stop. Who else will do it?

 These thoughts may not always show, but they weigh heavily.

Common Emotional Struggles Mothers Face

Every mum's journey is different, but here are some common mental health challenges many experience: 

• Anxiety – Constant worry about children, money, health, or the future.
• Depression – Feeling sad, tired, hopeless, or disconnected, especially after childbirth (postpartum depression).
• Guilt – Feeling like you're not “good enough” or that you’re failing your children.
• Isolation – Feeling alone or unsupported, even when surrounded by people.
• Loss of Identity – Feeling like you've lost who you are beyond being “mum.”

Sometimes, just holding it all together feels like a miracle.

When Mum Hurts, Families Hurt Too

A mother’s mental health affects the whole family. Children need emotionally present, mentally well caregivers. If a mum is constantly stressed or emotionally drained, it can affect how she connects with her children and partner. That’s why we must support mothers’ mental wellness—whether they live in leafy suburbs or informal settlements. 

What Can Help?

There’s no one-size-fits-all solution, but here are some practical, everyday steps that can ease the burden: 

1. Seek Support 

Talk to someone you trust—a friend, your sister, a church elder, or even a chama mate. You are not alone. In talking, you'll find that many mothers can relate to your struggles—and that eases the burden. 

"I used to stress about my little girl not gaining weight—especially when I couldn’t seem to lose mine. It wasn’t until another mum shared her struggles with a picky eater that I eased up. I love talking to other mothers. It helps me realize none of us have it all figured out—we're all just doing our best."

2. Talk to a Professional

If you're still struggling, counseling helps. Many hospitals, churches, and NGOs offer free or affordable mental health services. Even one session can be life-changing. 

"My anxious thoughts almost ruined my first three months with my firstborn. I got help from a nurse whose number I picked up at a routine antenatal clinic. Even though I had family around, it took a professional to guide me through the healing process."

3. Practice Self-Care 

Even 10 minutes a day can help. Sip your tea quietly. Breathe. Read your Bible. Take a short walk. You deserve a moment to recharge. 

"Motherhood has no breaks. Someone always needs you—your child, your help, your spouse, your boss. That’s why every morning, after breakfast, I take a 30-minute walk and leave my phone at home. It clears my mind and energizes me for the day."

4. Manage Expectations 

Perfect motherhood is a myth. What matters most is love—not perfection. Give yourself grace. 

"There was a time I didn’t have a house help for weeks. With two children screaming, laundry piling up, and dishes everywhere, I didn’t know where to start. So I sat down, had hot chocolate, hugged my babies, and let them love on me. When calm returned, I listed only the essentials—and did those. If my kids are loved and I’m healthy, the rest can wait."

5. Set Boundaries

Say no when you're tired. Ask for help. You can’t pour from an empty cup. 

"I used to feel guilty for watching just one episode of my favorite show. Rest made me feel lazy. But I became moody and snappy. One day, I took a ‘me’ day—left the kids with someone and went to a hotel with just a novel and enough money for tea. I stayed all day, reading and sipping. I came home refreshed. I do that often now."

Let’s Normalize Supporting Mothers’ Mental Health

At Write Life Kenya, we’re dedicating this Mental Health Awareness Month to the mothers whose pain goes unnoticed. On May 24, we’ll host a mental health session with single mothers in Dandora—because no mother should feel like she has to carry it all alone. You can stand with us by: 

• Donating via Paybill 542542, Account 428427 – any amount helps
• Spreading the word
• Reaching out to a mum in your life today

Mothers deserve more than praise. They deserve support, space to breathe, and someone to say: “I see you. Your well-being matters. Because when mum heals, the whole family thrives.”

 #WhenMumHurts #MentalHealthAwareness #MaternalMentalHealth #ChampioningMentalHealthForAll #Engage #Empower #Embrace #WriteLifeKenya #MaryFridahKiaira #PeterTheImporter #MothersDay2025