Men Don’t Cry?

 “Nilikuwa na depression for almost a year, but I couldn’t tell anyone. As a man, who do you even talk to? They’ll just say umelegea.” James, 34, Nairobi 

For generations, boys have been raised on these words: 

“Man up.” 

“Don’t cry.” 

“Be strong.”

It is a belief that is ingrained so deeply in our society. Some months ago, my son was throwing tantrums in the house and crying because he wanted something from me. My mama fua addressed him saying, “Wanaume hawaliangi baba”. The statement stabbed my heart and I went on to lightly tell her that I wish men cried more because then we would not be losing so many of them to silent battles. 

Such words, spoken directly or implied, have shaped a culture where emotional expression among men is seen as weakness, and where too many men suffer in silence. Yet, mental health doesn't discriminate by gender. The Unseen Battle is that men are facing unprecedented pressures such as: 

• Unemployment
• Financial strain
• Family responsibilities
• Broken relationships
• Unresolved trauma from childhood or past experiences

Still, many push on quietly. Society expects men to be providers, protectors—never the ones in need of help.

“I buried my father, lost my job, and was evicted all in one month. I was drowning inside, but no one even asked how I was doing.” Brian, 29, Kisumu

The Stats: A Silent Crisis 

• According to WHO, men are more likely to die by suicide, yet less likely to seek mental health support.
• In Kenya, most suicide victims are men aged 30-39 (KNBS, 2023).
• Only 1 in 10 men in Kenya with mental health symptoms seek professional help. The rest suffer in silence—or act out in harmful ways (substance abuse, violence, isolation).

 Why the Silence? 

• Cultural Expectations: Crying or showing emotion is considered a “sign of weakness” for men.
• Fear of Judgment: Seeking therapy is often mocked or misunderstood.
• Lack of Safe Spaces: Most men don’t have trusted spaces where they can talk openly. Even when such spaces are organized, for instance in church, few men show up, and even fewer are willing to engage in conversations on deep matters that affect them.
• Religious or Social Stigma: Some believe prayer alone should “fix” mental issues, ignoring the need for emotional processing and professional support.

 Vulnerability is Strength 

The truth? It takes courage to face your pain.

It takes strength to ask for help.

And it takes real manhood to choose healing. 

“The day I walked into therapy, I was shaking. But walking out, I felt like I could finally breathe again.” David, 41, Meru 

We are here to remind men: you’re not alone, and you’re not less of a man for needing help. It’s okay not to be okay. And it’s okay to ask for help.